the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
