dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
