After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She even gives head with a lisp.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
