i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
