I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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