he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
