Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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