He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
