dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize