The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
