He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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