people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
