totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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