Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
