i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
