he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
