at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
