Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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