i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i will never coherently bang her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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