when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
