Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
