the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
