So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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