i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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