I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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