worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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