how do flat chested girls get laid?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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