my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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