drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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