Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
