He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
