Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
