Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we're making bets on your personal life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
