As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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