is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So much Jack, so little girl.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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