hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
