Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
