I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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