he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
