im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
