I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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