its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
