I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
