Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
