Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
