So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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