Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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