i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
