If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
