I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
love makes seman taste better
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
