Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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