I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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