i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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