there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
