Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
