About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
this boner is exhausting
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
