I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Drake has all the answers
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
