My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
