i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
