I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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