you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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