guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just google imaged poop.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am available for nakedness
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