make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
