I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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