Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize