just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
