You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
