i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
