Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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