sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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