He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
