I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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