we're blogging at a bar
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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