Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
