if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
