...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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