My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
