I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
