so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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