I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
