God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
there is glitter all over my balls
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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