I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
