dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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