Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
