Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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