I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
not ubering you a puppy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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