If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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